


Gehenna

by Catmint (witheredshores)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witheredshores/pseuds/Catmint
Summary: 'I've met myself from another dimension and we’re married there' Sasuke had been planning how to tell that to Naruto for years, but he would probably be sent to a shrink right away.On the downside, he wasn't sure he had time left. Naruto got married, had a son, it felt too late. On the upside, he had time to plan about what to say since while on his road to redemption, he got himself trapped in hell.Death smirked and crossed her legs, Sasuke stared at her wearing Itachi's body and mentalized a big fuck you.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Gehenna

**Author's Note:**

> So, I got this idea after me and my friends spent hours talking about that particle that seems to move backwards and can be indicative of the existence of a parallel reality.  
> After hours of me trying to explain how it could be possible a parallel universe move backwards in time, the whole crazy conversation went from theoretical physics to the discussion about the existence of God. Suddenly, I had an epiphany and the idea of writing this.
> 
> Also,  
> This story is Uchiha Sasuke's story.  
> And I wrote it in a very introspective way, he's all alone on his journey to redemption. So, the majority of the writing is about his thoughts, feelings and what he sees. There are major differences from Canon but I hope I made it justice somehow, even if I took the liberty of creating my own "versions" of it.  
> Since Sasuke is on a journey I'll use a lot of Naruto's world geography, however, since there isn't a full world map in the canon story, I took a map from a user called Focomaru on DeviantArt to make it more complete. (https://www.deviantart.com/focomaru/art/Focomarus-Naruto-rol-world-map-187054333)  
> This is the map I'll be using as a reference in the foreseeable future of this story.  
> Also as Sasuke travels and finds new places I'll be discussing old and new religions because I'm fascinated by the studies of various beliefs.
> 
> Enjoy, I made it with all my heart and the inspiration I have.

He thought he deserved it. Every single ounce of pain, every time he'd find something difficult to do due to his missing limb, he would think that he deserved it. Kakashi once told him that forgiveness is a long road to take alone. Sasuke knew, being who he was, that for him it was an endless one. It didn’t matter if Naruto told him countless times he was forgiven, it didn’t matter if he also told the same thing every time the blues of his eyes would lock into his pitch-black ones. Sasuke hadn’t forgiven himself, he couldn’t and so, he deserved it. He moved his right hand and started massaging what was left of his left arm. Sometimes he couldn’t sleep due to phantom pain and he’d just gather his stuff and walk. He’d keep walking until the sun was burning bright behind his back making his hair stick to his nape with glistening sweat.

This night he wanted to sleep, he yearned to. The feeling of loneliness was grabbing his guts and twisting it to the point that he felt cold and breathless. He closed his eyes counting numbers, he could hear the cicadas far away, he could hear the wind howling a low soft song, and his sharp ears would catch a small animal hopping among the bushes from time to time. He closed his eyes trying to relax, but his jaw was tense, his whole body was as taut as a bowstring. Sasuke turned to his right side in the sleeping bag, trying to find more comfort, he didn’t. In days like these, he regretted not having searched for Sakura while still in Konoha, she’d get him a supply of painkillers that would last forever without asking much. The thought was smashed in a second, he didn’t have the right to ask for something to numb his pain, he deserved the pain. The sudden thought of Itachi flared in his mind and he snapped his eyes open. He turned again laying on his back and sighed. Maybe, if Naruto wasn’t so damn good he’d have got him killed. He'd deserve to die, except it would be too easy.

Sasuke sat up, looking around the cave he found, it was a great place to sleep. It was hidden and warm, not a single soul in a radius of at least 150 miles. However, if he found placidness all around him, his mind wasn’t such a peaceful place to live. He could search for redemption, find tranquility in the rivers he’d stare for hours some days, find peace in the temples he’d occasionally visit, but in his head, there wasn’t any harmony. There were raging wars, he could feel his psyche shattering and there were days that he spent their entirety just trying to breathe and let go of air, just breathe, it wasn’t hard, but he’d still sit down and spend hours trying to do just that because he was afraid he’d finally break and go mad.

There were days that he’d hear Itachi’s voice and it wouldn’t let go of him for hours on end _'Sorry Sasuke, this is the last time... You don’t have to forgive me... I’ll always love you'._ He’d scream himself hoarse in those days, trying to shut the noise in his mind. But he’d only hear it louder and when his vocal cords finally gave in to the abuse, he’d just cry until he couldn’t anymore, until there wasn’t anything left of him, nothing besides dull pain and a feeling that if he had to describe he’d use the word void.

Mid journey, he concluded that he didn’t have to forgive Itachi because he never understood anything of it. Because for him, understanding came only after spilling blood. He didn’t have the right to forgive Itachi because they were both Uchihas. After all, Uchihas spilled the blood of friends and foes only to realize, too late, that they could have done things differently. Sasuke could peel off the skin of his hands trying to wash away his sins in the Ishikari River and there would still be blood left on them. Even if it was in the past now, once he did hate Itachi, once he did hate his friends, hate engulfed him in every step he took and hate made him take the life of the only family he had left, hate made him blow the arm of the only friend who kept trying to find goodness inside him.

He looked down at his single hand and it was dripping red. He wanted it to be his, but he knew it belonged to many people except himself. During his time with Orochimaru, Sasuke was sat among a sea of people, all of them passed out from the exhaustion of fighting against him. Orochimaru looked into his eyes and said _'kill'_. Orochimaru ordered him, he who owned eyes who spoke about blood, an Uchiha, which blood in his veins ran as hot as the fire he spilled when he breathed out his Katons, capable of scorching the earth for miles ahead. He, who had singlehanded an entire army. Orochimaru looked at him and ordered _'kill'_ and Sasuke said they weren´t the ones he wanted dead. The Sannin retorted, _'if you don’t become merciless, you’ll never win against Itachi'_ and then said _'kill'_ his tongue coming out to lick his lips savoring the word, savoring death, and he said once more _'kill, Sasuke, Kill'_.

Sasuke got up, with blood swirling inside his eyes he looked around him. Orochimaru said _'kill'_ and over his shoulder Itachi’s voice called him weak _'you lack hatred Ot_ _ō_ _to'_ with his right hand he pulled the Kusanagi out of its hilt and with his right hand he spilled the blood of thousands that day. With his left hand he punched a hole through Naruto's chest in the Valley of the End, that hand he didn’t have anymore, however, his right hand was still dripping blood in front of him, dripping blood all over him. And the worst of all, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the adrenaline thrill that killing gave him.

He was called death bringer after that day, he left one single shinobi to live and tell the story that unraveled on that battlefield and the story, being told from person to person renamed him, tying him to death itself. He didn’t spare that man because he wanted people to know how those soldiers died, he spared him because he saw in his grey eyes his reflection. The blood of thousands smeared all over his face, his Sharingan swirling and thirsting for more, his Kusanagi against that man’s throat smearing blood over his skin. He looked around the sea of blood and dead bodies, his younger self was on his right asking _'why did you kill them?'_ his own voice coming out of Itachi’s mouth _'because I wanted to test the limits of my abilities'._ They were both Uchihas, they both spilled blood and there wasn't any forgiving for that transgression.

Sasuke shuddered when a cold breeze ran over his back. Suddenly he was laying down. The cave had a warm glow, there was the clear sound of fire cracking in the corner on his left and he never felt so comfortable in his life, a tanned naked arm embraced his chest and pulled him to snuggle against a warm body. There was so much warmth in this feeling, a warmth he never felt. He didn’t want to pull away, he could feel his lips tugging in a smile, a soft hot breath over his neck. A slow, soft kiss behind his ear that made his stomach flutter and his hairs stand, he heard a low laugh, a laugh he’d recognize from miles away. Sasuke moved to turn around and stare in those blue eyes but when he looked over his shoulder, he realized he was laying alone, behind him there was nothing but darkness. Darkness all around him, Sasuke was tired of the dark. He tensed his jaw, refusing to acknowledge his insanity, refusing to admit that each passing day he looked forward to his deliriums, wishing them to last longer, to make him feel warmer. He couldn’t afford to feel comfortable, he didn’t deserve happiness nor comfort.

Sasuke sat up, not remembering at which point of his short delirium he had laid down. Slowly, he got up, knowing how pointless it was to try and fall asleep. With his few belongings in hand he got out of the cave and started to walk again, he’d walk until the sun was burning bright behind his back. Kakashi was right, the road to forgiveness was a long one to take alone, but alone was everything he knew and was. He didn’t have the right to make it easier for himself. He searched for redemption on the outside and forgiveness on the inside. Since he knew he would never forgive himself, he was, therefore, fated to wander endlessly.


End file.
